Step 1: Bring 200ml of water to the boil and add about 15 to 18 grams of coffee (depending on how strong you like it). The grind size for your Aeropress ranges from fine to medium. For this guide, we are suggesting you use fine. Which will give you a fxxking awesome medium consistency.

Step 2: Insert paper filter into the AeroPress’s detachable plastic cap, then use shit-nuts-hot water to wet the paper and cap. 

Step 3: Assemble your AeroPress and make sure it’s dry, any residual moisture can compromise the seal. Place it on your scale with the flared end up, then tare the weight. The numbers should appear upside down. It is possible to attach the black filter cap first and place it right side-up, but this can cause leakage and fxxk up the brew.

Step 4: Add your ground coffee and seriously DO NOT spill any grounds into the ring-shaped gutter at the top of the AeroPress. If you accidentally do, you’ll need to go to A&E and demand a lobotomy. Add twice the weight of water than you have grounds (example, 15 grams coffee, add 30ml water). The water needs be about 200 degrees F / 93 degrees C.

Step 5: Start a timer and make sure the coffee is saturated evenly, tamping slightly with the paddle if necessary. Let that mutha fxxker sit there for 30 seconds. Pour what’s left of the hot water out into the chamber.

Step 6: After a minute has passed (not 59 or 61 seconds), stir the grounds 10 times (not 9 or 11 times) to agitate. Then fasten the cap and make sure it locks into the grooves (or all fxxking hell will break loose).

Step 7: Flip it over and position on top of your coffee cup and begin applying downward pressure. You should experience some resistance. If you don’t, your grind is probably too coarse. If there’s too much resistance, your grind may be too fine (fxxk, landing on the moon sounds easier than this). Your coffee will be fully brewed when it starts to make a hissing sound like a python giving birth to a fridge. When this happens, it means you emptied the tube.